Tuesday, August 20, 2013
I'm 27 today. A few days ago I had that moment where you think about what you've achieved so far. Not much, was my first thought. I don't have a job. I've never actually had what you'd call a career. Those were the first things that came to mind. Isn't that sad? Thankfully, I realised the error in my thinking. I wouldn't measure a person's worth, a person's achievements solely on their working life. Why do it to myself? I thought deeper about what, in these 27 years, I had really achieved. All the experiences and lessons and thoughts that have made me who I am. If my life is a patchwork quilt, it's more than just a few scraps of fabric sewn together. As time goes on, the seams get stronger, the patches neater. While still a work in progress, there's enough to envelop myself with when the cold hits. That's how I see the "fabric of my life". It's colourful too. I've known every extreme and in-between. I know what it's like to be always the last one chosen. I also know what it's like to be the first. I've been ridiculed and I've been put on the highest pedestal. I've lived in small towns and big cities. I've been fooled, made wary. I've given all my trust and had it honoured and protected. I've seen the darkest side of humans and I've been blessed to know the purest, kindest ones. I've taken things for granted. Learned the lessons when you lose those things. I've made poor choices, suffered the consequences. Been sorrier than I could ever be able to show. I've done the right thing, even when it was the hardest thing to do. Learned that the truth always sets you free. I've envied others. Angrily, desperately asked "why me???" Then turned around after walking the road that in the beginning filled me with dread and been grateful for what it showed me, who it made me. I've travelled far. I've been utterly lost. I've almost wanted to give up. Asked "is this all there is?" And I've known the feeling of finding something worth living for, right when I least expected it. I know what it's like to feel bulletproof and I know what it's like to feel so vulnerable that it would only take a moment and I'd break and never repair. I know what it's like to feel both of those things at once. I think it's been a good 27 years. Often I think about all the people who didn't make it this far. I think, despite whatever has happened, whatever will happen, I've been lucky. And I've achieved much more than I could have imagined. It's a happy birthday.